I loved you
by Ellstra
Summary: Short one-shot about Clove s death. Cato s POV.


I see the redheaded girl running from the mouth of the Cornucopia and grabbing the bag marked with the big 5. She is too fast for me to catch her, even for Clove who is much better ruber than me. That Fox girl has outsmarted us again. Never mind, I´m gonna catch her later. Because what appears in my sight now is much more important. Firegirl.

Before I can stop her or even say something, Clove runs towards the Cornucopia and our enemy. There´s no hope for me to reach her before Clove, because I´m not the best runner. And I would just hinder. So I stand up and go a bit nearer to the edge of the forest to see better what happens.

The Firegirl is obviously not as bad as I hoped she would be. She manages to deflect Clove´s knife with her bow. This really impresses me, because Clove rarely misses her target. I almost scream in pain when I see Firegirl´s arrow hitting Clove´s arm, fortunately not her heart, but it´s much closer to it that I want. I almost about to run to help her, because whereas she´s injured, the Firegirl got her tiny bagpack and tries to escape. But then Clove´s knife hits her forehead and I know it´s gonna be alright. She just didn´t want to kill her so simply and cause her such an easy death by putting that knife into her heart. In a moment when she pins the tiny girl to the ground and lies on her to keep her here.

This is the time when I catch a glimpse of a red hair far in the wood. I´m not sure I want to get so far from Clove, but then I see the point. If Clove kills Firegirl right now, she´ll be totally unbearable. She´ll be anyway, she always is, but if I kill Fox, it would be less bad. I hear Firegirl screaming and it takes me some time to realize that what she cries at the top of her lungs is Loverboy´s name. I find this satisfying and I decide to run after Fox due to that I think Clove´s doing good job and I will be more useful killing Fox.

I´m pretty far from the Cornucopia right now. I hope Clove´s gonna grab the bagpack and then wait somewhere near it for me to return. I can see Fox before me, but I know she knows I´m here. She speeds up and makes some senseless loops as if she tries to get rid of me. I don´t mind. But it begins to annoy and upset me. I´m not one of the most patient people who ever existed. I bit my lower lip and accelerate as well. She endures much more than I thought she would. But I´ll catch her. I´m sure.

„Cato!" Only one word but it stops me. „Cato!"

It´s so full of pain and fear that I know something went wrong. Really, really wrong. I leave Fox run away and turn around. Clove is too proud and – well, too self-centered – to even ask somebody for help. She would never call for me. And not this way. She never shows her emotions and I have to get used to it. My best friend is not telling me how she feels, what she´s scared of, what she wals and I´m not telling her. I guess it´s not that we don´t want to bother each other,because I really know she won´t be bothered if I tell her I feel something. It´s just like we can´t speak about our feelings, it´s so strange for us. And now she´s screeching my name in pain and suffering. And with a bit of hope she will be saved. Something is wrong with her and I have to fix it.

„Clove!" I shout as I run towards the Cornucopia as far as I can. I don´t care about all the branches hitting my face and arms, I ignore all the wound it makes me. I just run praying I´ll be able to save Clove, my Clove, the only really good thing in my life from the harm she´s about to suffer, whatever it is. She means everything to me. Since I don´t have a family, she´s everything to me. My best friend, my family, my better part, somebody who makes me stay both feet firmly on the ground.

All my nightmares, all my fear gets true when I finally see the plain surrounding the Cornucopia. How could I be so stupid? I forgot Thresh being here at all. It almost seems like Fox running away from the Cornucopia was a bait for me. I know I´m paranoid, but I can´t help myself.

„Clove!" I hear myself screeming her name in a strange, painful voice. I can´t recognize it, it´s not me. And it´s me, though. In spite of every probability, it´s really me, that boy screaming for a girl. Despite everything in my life, despite my ruthlessness I run forvard her and kneel beside her and I feel like the most lost, desperate person who has ever lived. Because nothing can be worse in my eyes when I see her lying on the ground, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She´s unable to move, because if she was, she would at least stand up or crawl. She manages to smile at me, but it´s a smile full of pain. And what scares me much more I see submission and reconciliation with death in her eyes. I grip her hand in mine as if to give her some life from me. I look into her beautiful eyes, but they´re not the same. Now, she´s looking at me with sorrow and almost regret. Why regret? I should bet he one who regrets!

„Cato, I´m so sorry," she whispers but I see it´s really difficult for her. She blinks few times, but it seems like her eyelids becomes heavier with every move. A single tear escapes her eye. „So sorry…" she murmurs and I feel some strange feeling. On one hand, I feel angry. I´m almost unable to hold my emotions inside of me. I hate myself for letting her go somewhere alone and for leasing her. I should have stayed her all the time and nothing could happened – and I would have been able to kill Thresh. Instead, I pursued that silly girl even though I didn´t have a real chance of chatching her. On the other hand I feel so much despair that it hurts. I watch the life vanishing from the only person I´ve ever loved and only thing I can do is to hold her hand and wish it won´t hurt her much. I feal bitter tears in my eyes and I don´t dry them.

„It´s all my fault. I apologize, Clove. I´m sorry. I should have been here with you. I should have never let you go anywhere without me. I´m so sorry." I say to her. „Just stay with me. Please. Just try. Stay with me!" I cry and see a light smile on her face.

„Oh, Cato, don´t blame yourself. We both know it´s not our fault. It were just bad circumstances. We have never had enough luck, haven´t we?" she whispers so silently I almost can´t hear her. I try to ignore the big purple-coloured bruise on her head, but I can´t. I know she doesn´t have much time left, I realize she´s gonna die, but I don´t admit it. I just touch her face.

„Stay with me, Clove. I know you can. Just stay with me. I´ll do whatever you want. Just stay with me please!" Now I really cry and I shake her hand as if I can chase something.

„Cato…" she can´t catch breath. I see it. Her eyes are closing, but she manages to open them once more. „I love you."

I just sit here, frozen by her statement. Why didn´t she tell this to me sooner? But I know the answer. _Because it wasn´t neccessary_. But I know now it is. I don´t believe she´s gonna survive, despite I wish some miracle will happen.

„I love you, too," I whisper and the sad smile on her face makes my heart break. Her smile is so sad, but somehow happy. Her eyes gets glass, unable to see and I know her heart stopped just before the cannon.

I totally lose myself in that moment. I let my head fall on her chest and I begin to cry much harder. I embrace her dead body, even lighter than before, and let my tears get soaked into her shirt. I hold her like a baby, holding her head because she´s not able to hold it alone.

„You´re ok, now. You´re fine. Nothing can hurt you. I´m here with you. I always will. I love you." I repeat this again and again as if it could bring her back to me. But I know she´s gone. She´s lost and despite what she said, I think it´s my fault and there´s nothing I can do to repair it. I hold her and cry for a some period of time, I don´t know if it was a minute or two years while I´m just kneeling on the ground, embracing her tightly and trying to stop the tears.

Finally I most probably don´t have enough water to make the tears so I stop crying. I see a hovercraft above me and suddenly I´m afraid that if I leave Clove, they´ll také her body away and I won´t see her again. I hold her firmly, scared by the thought of losing her. I don´t want her to disappear. I don´t want to lose her forever. I refuse sleeping when the night falls. The hovercraft is still above me like a big scary bird waiting for my move. I pull Clove´s body closer to mine and ignore the cold here. I will never let them get her. Never.

I see some glimpse and then I feel some little pain in my left shoulder. It doesn´t hurt much but I feel my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. Only thing I manage before black out is to look at m shoulder. I see some dart, looking almost innocent. I don´t know what does this mean, it doesn´t make any sense. There were no darts here in the arena.

When I wake up, I know something went wrong. My head aches and I feel like after a whole night drinking alcohol. But this is not the bad thing here. The bad thing is that I´m alone. Somebody took my little girl from me. I rise my head and I see that the hovercraft has disappeared. Of course. They have stolen her from me. Even dead she can´t belong to me. Why? WHY?!

I stand up with anger. I clench the sword and run to the plain where I know I´ll find Thresh. Now it´s the time for revenge. And I have to win to get Clove back. They have stolen her from me, but I will get her back.

I run towards Thresh not because he has that stupid backpack. Whatever is in it, it´s not what I desperately need. I desperately need Clove and even they can´t bring her back to me. Only now I realize I had everything I needed before the Feast. Now I have nothing but my lust for revenge. I run towards Thresh willing to kill him, but not as interested as I should be. It´s just the only thing that matters. After I kill him, nothing will remain from me. Nothing but a broken shadow of a boy who used to love without noticing. But I have to do it. Whatever comes after doesn´t matter. I just need my revenge. One last kill, the only one which really counts, which really means something. I have to do it for everything I knew. For Clove. I loved you.


End file.
